I’m Married To My Best Friend While Dating My Boyfriend, And They’re Both Okay With That
It’s amazing how one of my biggest kept dating secrets isn’t even a romantic tale. Think about a modern day Romeo and Juliet, only with two girls who are just friends. My best friend Sha and I have been in a watered down friendship for quite some time, but it’s time we let the world know what’s really happening here. Don’t worry, this isn’t a profession of my love nor is it a proclamation of sexual nor romantic endeavors. Strictly just letting the world know what it is.
In life, you’re going to meet people that you instantly click with and a lot of people will not be happy with that – dare I say, jealous. And that’s okay because that’s their issue. Being in a relationship with both my best friend and boyfriend have taught me that in order to make a relationship healthy on the inside, outside forces must match that same energy. Your relationship with anyone may it be a friend, significant other, etc. is not for everyone to understand – but others must respect it if they’re going to be in your life.
Both Gary and Sha understand what I need, want and value in each relationship which is why my networking skills are so bomb. For those who wish harm, spew negativity or are just plain mad, I encourage you to keep that same energy, but keep it elsewhere because it surely won’t be around me. Allow me to explain how my best friendship with Sha started…
“Courtship”
Sha and I have always known of each other’s existence throughout the course of our undergraduate career, but we never really stopped to consider the possibility of developing an alliance of some sort. During the first week of senior year, we stumbled upon one another in our mutual living space and agreed to go to Popeye’s and shoot the shit in her room. We talked about everything under the sun from career goals to friends back home to dating to people we didn’t fuck with. In that first bonding experience, I realized that this girl was someone who I regretted not getting to know earlier in my college career, but am grateful that it happened as organically and natural as it did when it did. It’s been nothing but upwards from there.
“Dating”
Wherever you saw me, you saw her – and if you didn’t, you know we were planning to meet up soon. We became closer to one another in the span of a single semester faster than I’ve been able to stay with one guy without getting bored of them. People started to realize that we really were friends, but in that moment in time, we didn’t pose too much of a threat to the outside world because in college, some friendships fade while some friendships flourish. I guess people were just waiting us out to determine which end of the spectrum we were on. If we would go on vacation together after graduation or take all of each other’s pictures down as though we were nothing but a brief moment in time. Everyone was watching us to see if this dynamic duo would be renewed for another season, but they didn’t know we were about to get a spin-off .The Sha and Shonda show was already doing table readings and guest appearance cast auditions. Okurrtt.
“Engagement”
After graduation, that’s when the shit really started for Sha and I. This was a girl I knew I could have fun with, make memories with, borrow her shoulder to cry on and laugh about nonsense for hours on end. Considering that we’re both from New York, navigating our friendship from our hometown was nothing short of a breeze. We were still growing strong while going to bars, out to eat, movies – all that typical adult dating shit, but this is when people actually began to realize that we were actually in a long term friendship. Friends of mine, as well as friends of hers, would begin to feel a bitter disdain towards us for “not including them” or “not inviting them” or (my personal favorite) “not letting them know”. Last time that I checked, I was a grown ass woman who need not any permission from another grown woman to hang out with another grown woman. Unless you are my nigga, I owe you no explanation as to who I’m with and why I’m with them – and that’s that on that.
“Marriage”
*sigh* Marriage really is the most difficult stage of the relationship – not for me and Sha, but for other people. As our friendship evolved, so did the caliber of our adventures. Sha and I have gone to concerts, went back to Atlanta for homecoming, late night adventures in the city, exclusive screening events – and there’s still so much more on the itinerary. However, our other partners believe that we owe them explanations and rundowns of the dynamic of our friendship. If Sha and I want to go to Atlanta, we’re going to go to Atlanta – you not receiving your invitation in the mail isn’t a “fuck you,” but it is a “she and I just want to do this ourselves and we don’t have to check in with anybody if we don’t want to”. If we want to go to a music festival, I think I’m far past the age where I need to have a permission slip signed.
Unless you’ve been a friend group from the start, friend groups do not last. If they do, it won’t be long. No one is obligated to bring their two best friends together in hopes that everyone will be happy and receive the same amount of attention. Furthermore, no friend should be your everything. My boyfriend and Sha do not serve the same roles in my life, but they give equal amount of value. My friendship with one person should have little to no effect on my relationships with other people because I personally try to avoid mixing my friend groups whenever I can. Every friendship is different and should be treated as such. You’re not going to go to a party with your study buddy and you’re not going to study with the girl who does molly. You can’t get relationship advice from the friend who cheats on her man or sleeps with someone else’s.
Know your role and play it well or else you’ll fuck up the whole production. If you don’t like your role, let me know so I can adjust the cast list accordingly. There are no small roles, only small actors. I’m not casting for the role of jealousy so if that’s the part that you want, I don’t have room on my stage for that.